I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize