forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
