when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
