Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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