I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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