I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
