Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
