How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
