is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
