It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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