I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
