A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
