he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Couch. On fire.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
