I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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