I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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