I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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