i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
