I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
