i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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