ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize