Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
