Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
