My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
