How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
