Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
