I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
