sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
