so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
