He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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