LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize