i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
