I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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