Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
