hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
