Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize