It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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