When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
