you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
