I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
