If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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