I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
