my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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