Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
