Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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