my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
