if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
