FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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