Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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