We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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