can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
