I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
