If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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