Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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