i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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