I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize