You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize