what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize