im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
