the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
