dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
