Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm too high and old for this...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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