I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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