She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm like, not good at living.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
