remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
