if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize