You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
