Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
