Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
